Living a value-congruent life

Often at the root of malaise, unease, anxiety and dread are unrevealed dreams and unrealized values. Existential dread emerges when we are not living our best lives congruent with our core values. Anxiety and stress steal us away from the present moment, and cause us to worry about the future or agonize over the past. Cultivating a sense of presence and mindfulness can ground us back in the present moment and provide a greater sense of calm. However, being present in the here and now is only part of the equation to living our best lives. We also need to commit to prioritizing and acting on our core values. To be able to live our most fulfilling and joyous lives, we have to know what those core values are.

Values can be described as leading principles that guide us and motivate us as we move through life (Russ Harris, 2009). Values are statements about what we want to do with our lives, what we stand for and how we want to behave. Clarifying our values gives us a sense of purpose and meaning. Values are not goals or elements that solve a particular problem. Core values are the essence of what is most meaningful to us and the characteristics that make our life worth living.

When we live out our values, we are living a value-congruent life that motivates us, inspires us and gives us a sense of vitality. Values are not desires, wants and needs. Values go beyond morals and ethics, they are an expression of what matters most to us. When clarifying core values keep in mind these Five Key Points: 

1. Values are here and now; 

2. Values do not need to be justified; 

3. Values often need to be prioritized; 

4. Values are best held lightly; and 

5. Values are freely chosen. 

Once we determine our core values and consistently prioritize them, the benefit can be living a life full of passion, motivation and vitality. Below are instructions on how to do a values sort based on a list of common core values. This can be a good starting point in figuring out what brings your life meaning. This is not an exhaustive list; if you feel that an important value is missing, please add it to your list.

The goal is to narrow down the following list to your three core values. 

1. With the below Values list, start with identifying which values are "not important", "somewhat important", and "very important".

2. With the "very important" values, set aside the ones that you picked because they solve a particular problem you are facing. For example, if you picked "home" because you are in the process of looking for and purchasing a house, go ahead and set that one aside.

3. With what is left, see if any of the values picked overlap in some way or are better explained by another. Disregard the values picked that are better explained by another in your what is left pile.

4. Finally, list in order of importance what you have left. Try to narrow down to 10. Now try to identify the top/core three values in your list. 

5. With these core values, ask yourself the following questions:

• How am I living out this value in some ways?

• In what ways am I not living out this value?

• How might I better prioritize this core value in my life?

• Are there ways I am spending my time that are not in alignment with my core values? 

• What might be the positive impact if I were to prioritize this value in my life?

• Do my core values overlap in any way? Can I actualize more than one at a time?

VALUES LIST

Acceptance - to be accepted as I am

Accuracy - to be accurate in my opinions and beliefs

Achievement - to have important accomplishments

Adventure - to have new and exciting experiences

Attractiveness - to be physically attractive

Authenticity - being true to your own values, spirit and personality

Authority - to be in charge of and responsible for others

Autonomy - to be self-determined and independent

Beauty - to appreciate beauty around me

Caring - to take care of others

Challenge - to take on difficult tasks and problems

Change - to have a life full of change and variety

Comfort - to have a pleasant and comfortable life

Commitment - to make enduring, meaningful commitments

Compassions - to feel and act on concern for others

Cooperation - to work collaboratively with others

Courtesy - to be considerate and polite towards others

Creativity - to have new and original ideas

Dependability - to be reliable and trustworthy

Duty - to carry out my duties and obligations

Ecology - to live in harmony with the environment

Excitement - to have a life full of thrills and stimulation

Faithfulness - to be loyal and true in relationships

Fame - to be known and recognized

Family - to have a happy, loving family

Fitness - to be physically fit and strong

Flexibility - to adjust to new circumstances easily

Forgiveness - to be forgiving of others

Friendship - to have close, supportive friends

Fun - to play and have fun

Generosity - to give what I have to others

Genuineness - to act in a manner that is true to who I am

Growth - to keep changing and growing

Health - to be physically well and healthy

Honesty - to be honest and truthful

Hope - to maintain a positive and optimistic outlook

Humility - to be modest and unassuming

Humor - to see the humorous side of myself and the world

Independence - to be free from dependence on others

Industry - to work hard and well at my life tasks

Inner Peace - to experience personal peace

Intimacy - to share my innermost experiences with others

Justice - to promote fair and equal treatment for all

Knowledge - to learn and contribute valuable knowledge

Leisure - to take time to relax and enjoy

Loved - to be loved by those close to me

Loving - to give love to others

Mastery - to be competent in my everyday activities

Mindfulness - to live conscious and mindful of the present moment

Moderation - to avoid excesses and find a middle ground

Music - to play, listen to or enjoy music

Non-conformity - to question and challenge authority and norms

Nurturance - to take care of and nurture others

Openness - to be open to new experience, ideas and options

Order - to have a life that is well-ordered and organized

Passion - to have deep feelings about ideas, activities, or people

Pleasure - to feel good

Popularity - to be well-liked by many people

Power - to have control over others

Purpose - to have meaning and direction in my life

Rationality - to be guided by reason and logic

Realism - to see and act realistically

Responsibility - to make and carry out responsible decisions

Risk - to take risks and chances

Romance - to have intense, exciting love in my life

Safety - to be safe and secure

Self-Acceptance - to accept myself as I am

Self-control - to be disciplined in my own actions

Self-esteem - to feel good about myself

Self-knowledge - to have a deep and honest understanding of myself

Service - to be of service to others

Sexuality - to have an active and satisfying sex life

Simplicity - to live life simply with minimal needs

Solitude - to have time and space where I can be apart from others

Spirituality - to grow and mature spiritually

Stability - to have a life that stays fairly consistent

Tolerance - to accept and respect those who differ from me

Tradition - to follow respected patterns of the past

Virtue - to live a morally pure and excellent life

Wealth - to have plenty of money